a horror at the doctor's office

This is a story just for all those who need a little cheering up, or a realization that someone somewhere has it worse than you (*ahem* me)

WARNING. This post may contain some bodily functions and gross visuals (in your head)

So I went to the doctor's earlier this week and had a physical, they took my blood, needed a urine sample. You know, the usual. Well I went to the bathroom RIGHT before I went to their office so I had nothing to contribute for them. So they just said that it was ok, just drink a lot of water the day you come to pick up your blood tests.

That day was today. So I was determined to drink lots of water to show them how healthy and awesome my pee was! So this morning during work I drank a good... THREE water bottles. Didn't go to the bathroom once. Then it was lunchtime so I ran over to the doctor's real quick and said
"Hi, you need my urine sample so I'm just gonna go do that right now"
And I zip on into the bathroom.

So they have these little cups you pee in right?
First you write your name on it. Then you do your thing.. fill the cup.
And then there's this little doorway you put it in and they pick it up from their door on the other side.

So, since I had to go real bad, I filled that cup UP. Yeah. There's no way they cannot test it! There was enough for plenty of tests!
Well, some had gotten on the sides of the cup and I didn't want to seem like a messy pee-er to them so I got a paper towel to wipe off the sides. I did, and then got it on my hands. Yuck. So naturally I wanted to wash them off.
I put the cup on the counter.
I go to turn the water on.
And my elbow...
KNOCKS THE CUP OVER.

My very full cup of pee is now all over the counter, has run down the cabinets, and there's a very large puddle on the floor.

There is no way this is real. This only happens in movies!
oh. my. gosh. I am still in shock. 
Well, all I know is that I have to give them SOME. So with my now empty cup, I'm attempting to wipe my pee off the counter and try catching it into the cup.
I got some in the cup but also managed to make a bigger mess on the floor.

So I put my cup and miniscule amount of urine in the little doorway and then look at the giant mess I have to clean up.

After what seemed liked forever (10 minutes) I had successfully wiped/dabbed up all of my bodily function from the counters, floor, etc and sprayed a large quantity of Lysol over the whole area. And there was a giant pile of used, pee soaked paper towels in their once empty garbage can.

Mortifying in the moment, now hilarious.
Aren't we grateful there aren't cameras in bathrooms? I am ;)

Moral of the story is:
Stick to the minimum amount of urine for the sample and put it in the cupboard ASAP

P.S. Urine sample came back normal, I'm healthy!